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Is it the dreams that make us real?
Had a pretty rough night last night. Not sure what sparked it, but I woke up at 2:34 and wasn't able to get back to sleep until almost 4am.
*TW for this block of text, for graphic violence and death*
I'm not sure why or how it started. I just remember, I fell. Somehow. I was standing up on my bed, but when I lost my balance I fell back onto it, but it was covered in I guess fiberglass. I landed and was immediately in pain. The weird thing was, I could actually feel it. It wasn't like a normal dream, where you wake up in that moment between injury and pain. No, this I felt right away, all over. Imagine millions of deep splinters all over. I think in my dream I briefly papssed out, but when I came to Mother was there and panicking. She called an ambluance, and while we waited I knew that I had to do something. I pulled one out, but it ended up about 3 inches long and very wide. I pulled out a second one that was even bigger, and I remember wondering to myself how, on earth, I could have so many giant splinters and not swell up like a balloon from displacement. When the ambluance arrived, there was only one woman in it. She took one look at me and gave me a pitying smile and head shake. She wouldn't help me because she knew there wa nothing that could be done. I was bleeding out much too quickly an there was nothing that could be done. I remember being shocked that she would say such a thing, but knowing she was right. There wasn't anything that could be done. As I started contemplating how best to come to terms with my demise... I died. In my own dream, I died. Now, I've died once before in a much less realistic dream, but I became a zombie. There was an afterlife of sorts. This... there was a feeling of a giant question mark for a bit, and then I woke up scared...
Anyway, I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. I messaged the guy and told him, and he sent me some funny pictures to cheer me up. I'm surprised he was awake. Well, ok, not really terribly surprised. I kept apologizing and telling him to go to bed because he had work, but he was really nice and kept me company until I fell asleep again.
My day was mostly uneventful. My morning class was dreadfully dull, but we did get to watch a blooper reel of farriers getting knocked over while shoeing horses, so that was fun. My afternoon was boring. I think I may be developing an addiction to number crosswords. I tend to knock out about 3-5 per day... I also watched some Telenovela and Rugrats. Rugrats is a great throwback to my childhood, and Telenovela is rather amusing so far. It's not usually my kind of show, but I like what I have seen so far.
I went to my evening class, which was more frustrating than anything. I don't do well with numbers. I don't understand them and they don't like me. The class is Course Design for hunter, jumper, and equitation shows. Mind you, I ride Dressage and Western Speed (barrels and reining, mostly), so already I don't know anything they are talking about in that class. Throw in calculating things like the number of strides between jumps, why a horse lands closer on jump A than jump B, etc, and I'm so lost. I plan to meet with my professor this week to go over the information again, since it is a once per week class. Unfortunately, she talks like everyone knows what she is referring to, but I'm completely lost.
After class, I just wanted to grab Late Nite with a friend and come back to my room to chill for a bit and try to review my notes. Unfortunately, as soon as we walked in the door to the cafeteria things got... stressful.My old roommate has a twin sister. We refer to them as Tweedledum and Tweedledee, respectively. They are nothing but petty drama, and they are always fighting with each other and dragging everyone into the middle of their petty nonsense when no one cares in the slightest. I changed rooms because I told the director of housing about the absolute circus I was living in, and she offered me an open spot in the on-campus apartments as an apology for having to deal with all of that, and for having to wait until this semester to move (I was on her case the entire second half of last semester). It has been so incredibly nice and peaceful in my new room without their bull.
Now, when we arrived at Late Nite, the Tweedles were there and immediately started flipping on my friend.Long story short, they thought she was mad because her phone died so she didn't see their text asking if she was going to Late Nite. Like I said, they are petty. This led to a 3-ish minute fight between them before my friend just stopped bothering, because it's not worth trying to explain anything to those two. Of course, then they tried to drag me into the middle of it, but honestly I don't give a rat's ass about their petty bullshit. So I told them I wasn't involved and I walked away. That lasted just long enough fo me to get food and sit down. Of course, they all decided to sit with me, which led to more arguing about "why does [friend] hate us?!" and a huge pity party about "we know we're losers, so if you don't want to be friends with us, just say so, don't be mean." Now, I understand feeling insecure. But come on, her phone was dead. She even showed them it would turn on just long enough to flash low battery, then turn off. She wasn't lying or avoiding, she legitimately did not see the message. But they have to turn everything into drama and think everyone is out to hate them. I don't miss anything about living with them.
Finally, I got sick of it and just up and walked out the moment I finished my food. Color me mean, but I don't care. I don't care about how you think so-n-so hates you. I don't care that you think the world is out to get you. I don't care that you think you have no friends. Why? Because I tried being their friend. All it got me was stomach ulcers from stress and several visits to the health center. Not worth it in even the slightest when their idea of reciprocating friendship is throwing you in the middle of their fights with each other. No, I'm not going to pick sides between them. Honestly, they need to keep their problems with each other between each other and ideally behind closed doors. Why? Because it is no one else's business.
Anyway, sorry. Long rant-y post for the day. I'm proud of myself, though! I have posted every day for almost a week! Maybe I'll be able to keep this up this time around~
-N.E.
*TW for this block of text, for graphic violence and death*
I'm not sure why or how it started. I just remember, I fell. Somehow. I was standing up on my bed, but when I lost my balance I fell back onto it, but it was covered in I guess fiberglass. I landed and was immediately in pain. The weird thing was, I could actually feel it. It wasn't like a normal dream, where you wake up in that moment between injury and pain. No, this I felt right away, all over. Imagine millions of deep splinters all over. I think in my dream I briefly papssed out, but when I came to Mother was there and panicking. She called an ambluance, and while we waited I knew that I had to do something. I pulled one out, but it ended up about 3 inches long and very wide. I pulled out a second one that was even bigger, and I remember wondering to myself how, on earth, I could have so many giant splinters and not swell up like a balloon from displacement. When the ambluance arrived, there was only one woman in it. She took one look at me and gave me a pitying smile and head shake. She wouldn't help me because she knew there wa nothing that could be done. I was bleeding out much too quickly an there was nothing that could be done. I remember being shocked that she would say such a thing, but knowing she was right. There wasn't anything that could be done. As I started contemplating how best to come to terms with my demise... I died. In my own dream, I died. Now, I've died once before in a much less realistic dream, but I became a zombie. There was an afterlife of sorts. This... there was a feeling of a giant question mark for a bit, and then I woke up scared...
Anyway, I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. I messaged the guy and told him, and he sent me some funny pictures to cheer me up. I'm surprised he was awake. Well, ok, not really terribly surprised. I kept apologizing and telling him to go to bed because he had work, but he was really nice and kept me company until I fell asleep again.
My day was mostly uneventful. My morning class was dreadfully dull, but we did get to watch a blooper reel of farriers getting knocked over while shoeing horses, so that was fun. My afternoon was boring. I think I may be developing an addiction to number crosswords. I tend to knock out about 3-5 per day... I also watched some Telenovela and Rugrats. Rugrats is a great throwback to my childhood, and Telenovela is rather amusing so far. It's not usually my kind of show, but I like what I have seen so far.
I went to my evening class, which was more frustrating than anything. I don't do well with numbers. I don't understand them and they don't like me. The class is Course Design for hunter, jumper, and equitation shows. Mind you, I ride Dressage and Western Speed (barrels and reining, mostly), so already I don't know anything they are talking about in that class. Throw in calculating things like the number of strides between jumps, why a horse lands closer on jump A than jump B, etc, and I'm so lost. I plan to meet with my professor this week to go over the information again, since it is a once per week class. Unfortunately, she talks like everyone knows what she is referring to, but I'm completely lost.
After class, I just wanted to grab Late Nite with a friend and come back to my room to chill for a bit and try to review my notes. Unfortunately, as soon as we walked in the door to the cafeteria things got... stressful.My old roommate has a twin sister. We refer to them as Tweedledum and Tweedledee, respectively. They are nothing but petty drama, and they are always fighting with each other and dragging everyone into the middle of their petty nonsense when no one cares in the slightest. I changed rooms because I told the director of housing about the absolute circus I was living in, and she offered me an open spot in the on-campus apartments as an apology for having to deal with all of that, and for having to wait until this semester to move (I was on her case the entire second half of last semester). It has been so incredibly nice and peaceful in my new room without their bull.
Now, when we arrived at Late Nite, the Tweedles were there and immediately started flipping on my friend.Long story short, they thought she was mad because her phone died so she didn't see their text asking if she was going to Late Nite. Like I said, they are petty. This led to a 3-ish minute fight between them before my friend just stopped bothering, because it's not worth trying to explain anything to those two. Of course, then they tried to drag me into the middle of it, but honestly I don't give a rat's ass about their petty bullshit. So I told them I wasn't involved and I walked away. That lasted just long enough fo me to get food and sit down. Of course, they all decided to sit with me, which led to more arguing about "why does [friend] hate us?!" and a huge pity party about "we know we're losers, so if you don't want to be friends with us, just say so, don't be mean." Now, I understand feeling insecure. But come on, her phone was dead. She even showed them it would turn on just long enough to flash low battery, then turn off. She wasn't lying or avoiding, she legitimately did not see the message. But they have to turn everything into drama and think everyone is out to hate them. I don't miss anything about living with them.
Finally, I got sick of it and just up and walked out the moment I finished my food. Color me mean, but I don't care. I don't care about how you think so-n-so hates you. I don't care that you think the world is out to get you. I don't care that you think you have no friends. Why? Because I tried being their friend. All it got me was stomach ulcers from stress and several visits to the health center. Not worth it in even the slightest when their idea of reciprocating friendship is throwing you in the middle of their fights with each other. No, I'm not going to pick sides between them. Honestly, they need to keep their problems with each other between each other and ideally behind closed doors. Why? Because it is no one else's business.
Anyway, sorry. Long rant-y post for the day. I'm proud of myself, though! I have posted every day for almost a week! Maybe I'll be able to keep this up this time around~
-N.E.