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There's an infinite number of things to do to keep from being bored.
But what do you do when the only thing you want to do... you can't?
Maybe it's not meant to be. We talk every day, almost every hour. Hell, we're chatting as I type this. He's always honest, caring, and makes me laugh. He means so much to me, and that worries me. The last one I was this attached to... well, for now let's just say we haven't spoken in years. When I moved to my new home here, he moved practically right next door to my old home, that very same week. In short, we swapped states completely by chance. I'd like to think that if I hadn't moved here we would have ended up together by now. I'd like to imagine that world where we actually got the chance to see what could be, not to just beat around the proverbial bush and chat it up forever.
If I could do one thing right now, just one, I would just want to go be near him. Lately I've been feeling lost, lonely, and honestly terrified of the future. I have my reasons. But I feel like, if he were on my side, I could take on whatever may come my way and come out the other side even better than when I started. I know he will cheer me on, but that's not the same as someone being there, helping you and fighting with you.
It's strange. For a few years, I was in and out of some rather shallow relationships, I will be the first to admit. I played around, I had "toys" of the male kind, I had boyfriends purely for the fun of it, not for the future. It all centered around my rocky relationship with my ex-fiancee. I grew tired of all of that a few years back and tried properly dating again. In summary, it went horribly. So I gave it up for a while, choosing to focus on work and school. I recently decided, since I'm in a whole new place, I should try again. Let's just say the one date I went on was a horrid reminder of why I stopped dating in the first place. I'm not looking for perfection. But I'm also not looking for a basement dweller who is in their late twenties, still lives in their parents' basement, has an entry level job, and doesn't believe in bothering to aim for anything better...
But this guy... he's none of that. He has goals. Realistic ones, not "I'm going to be a superhero... in a comic book." He takes care of himself, and is an actual adult, not a giant child like pretty much every guy I've gone on a date with since my last official ex. Not to mention he's funny, he cares, he listens to what I say, he doesn't mind my ramblings, he puts up with my rants, he even sends me boxes in the mail, usually filled with snacks, just because.
But, as usual, there is a giant roadblock. This time, it's the fact that we swapped states and went from being maybe 2 and a half hours away, to almost 4 hours. Anyone who knows me and my dating life knows that I don't do long distance. That was one of the biggest contributing factors to my fiancee becoming my ex. Color me picky, but if we can't spontaneously decide to go out to dinner because it would take all day just to get to one another, then we're both going to get very tired of travelling, very quickly. It's inevitable, from my experience. (Everyone is different, and if it works for you, I'm very happy for you! But it's not for me.)
I don't know why I'm rambling about this. I've just been lonely lately. I thought I had a friend up here, but when I moved to my new apartment I guess I moved right out of her small social circle. Out of sight, out of mind, I guess. She doesn't even seem to see me when I say hello as we pass each other. We were rather close last fall, and the sudden change... caught me off guard. A nice social life suddenly disappeared, and I'm left alone. I wish I had someone. Specifically one person. Just for some company. A physical person even just in the room.
Even if they didn't say anything.
There's something comforting, even in silence, about having someone close by just in case...
Just in case what, I don't know. Just in case anything. Knowing that no matter what might happen, at least I won't be alone.
-N.Evans
But what do you do when the only thing you want to do... you can't?
Maybe it's not meant to be. We talk every day, almost every hour. Hell, we're chatting as I type this. He's always honest, caring, and makes me laugh. He means so much to me, and that worries me. The last one I was this attached to... well, for now let's just say we haven't spoken in years. When I moved to my new home here, he moved practically right next door to my old home, that very same week. In short, we swapped states completely by chance. I'd like to think that if I hadn't moved here we would have ended up together by now. I'd like to imagine that world where we actually got the chance to see what could be, not to just beat around the proverbial bush and chat it up forever.
If I could do one thing right now, just one, I would just want to go be near him. Lately I've been feeling lost, lonely, and honestly terrified of the future. I have my reasons. But I feel like, if he were on my side, I could take on whatever may come my way and come out the other side even better than when I started. I know he will cheer me on, but that's not the same as someone being there, helping you and fighting with you.
It's strange. For a few years, I was in and out of some rather shallow relationships, I will be the first to admit. I played around, I had "toys" of the male kind, I had boyfriends purely for the fun of it, not for the future. It all centered around my rocky relationship with my ex-fiancee. I grew tired of all of that a few years back and tried properly dating again. In summary, it went horribly. So I gave it up for a while, choosing to focus on work and school. I recently decided, since I'm in a whole new place, I should try again. Let's just say the one date I went on was a horrid reminder of why I stopped dating in the first place. I'm not looking for perfection. But I'm also not looking for a basement dweller who is in their late twenties, still lives in their parents' basement, has an entry level job, and doesn't believe in bothering to aim for anything better...
But this guy... he's none of that. He has goals. Realistic ones, not "I'm going to be a superhero... in a comic book." He takes care of himself, and is an actual adult, not a giant child like pretty much every guy I've gone on a date with since my last official ex. Not to mention he's funny, he cares, he listens to what I say, he doesn't mind my ramblings, he puts up with my rants, he even sends me boxes in the mail, usually filled with snacks, just because.
But, as usual, there is a giant roadblock. This time, it's the fact that we swapped states and went from being maybe 2 and a half hours away, to almost 4 hours. Anyone who knows me and my dating life knows that I don't do long distance. That was one of the biggest contributing factors to my fiancee becoming my ex. Color me picky, but if we can't spontaneously decide to go out to dinner because it would take all day just to get to one another, then we're both going to get very tired of travelling, very quickly. It's inevitable, from my experience. (Everyone is different, and if it works for you, I'm very happy for you! But it's not for me.)
I don't know why I'm rambling about this. I've just been lonely lately. I thought I had a friend up here, but when I moved to my new apartment I guess I moved right out of her small social circle. Out of sight, out of mind, I guess. She doesn't even seem to see me when I say hello as we pass each other. We were rather close last fall, and the sudden change... caught me off guard. A nice social life suddenly disappeared, and I'm left alone. I wish I had someone. Specifically one person. Just for some company. A physical person even just in the room.
Even if they didn't say anything.
There's something comforting, even in silence, about having someone close by just in case...
Just in case what, I don't know. Just in case anything. Knowing that no matter what might happen, at least I won't be alone.
-N.Evans
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